Ready for the Flip Side

Parrish continues to have a rough go of it. Yesterday, he didn't even get out of bed. I am trying to get him up this morning to shower, but so far, I haven't had much luck. His mouth and throat are causing unbearable pain. They have given him what looks and acts like the suction straw at the dentist's office. That way, he can suction the saliva out of his mouth, rather than swallowing it. In addition, he has a mouthwash type substance that has lidocaine in it to numb his mouth. They have also switched all medicines to IV, because he is not able to swallow any pills. Food and drink are a non-starter, so they continue to have him on IV fluids. He is on round the clock pain medicine to try and help get him through this period. He hasn't yet started the morphine drip/pump, but that is the next pain management step. 

Overnight, his platelets dropped to an unsafe level, so he received a blood transfusion this morning. The fear if platelets get too low is that there could be internal bleeding that the doctors can't see. So, the transfusion of platelets will hopefully boost Parrish's levels up to a safer place. 

He spiked a fever yesterday, which is expected, and is a sign that the stem cells are engrafting. That is a good thing. However, because of the fever, they drew blood cultures and did a urine analysis. Those came back negative for any infection. Of course, they will still keep Parrish on his two IV antibiotics and IV anti-viral medications to prevent any infection from starting. They will do a chest x-ray in a little while to make sure there isn't any fluid in his lungs.

I really can't imagine the pain and fatigue that Parrish has right now. This is one of those times when there is literally nothing I can do. No picture of the boys, no funny story, no food or drink, no words of encouragement, literally nothing (not even medicine, it seems) can help. My hope is that he is getting enough pain killers that he won't actually remember how traumatizing these few days have been. Just watching him suffer is almost more than I can bear. I won't lie, it is truly physically assaulting to see someone you love suffer like this. I can't even really find the words to describe it. My heart goes out to those who have watched loved ones suffer for years on end, because I have only had to witness it for several days (days that feel like years). I am not sure how people do it when there is no end in sight. At least with Parrish, I know that it will get better, even if it seems somewhat impossible at this very minute. Intellectually, if not emotionally, I recognize that his pain and suffering are temporary, and that on the other side of this, he will be laughing and smiling and eating and drinking and enjoying life. That day cannot come soon enough.

As always, many thanks for all of your thoughts, prayers, words of encouragement and love.

Much love,

Molly