Hanging On

Parrish is hanging in there, but not by much. His white count has dropped to 200, and you can tell (for comparison sake, normal is 4,000 to 10,000). His white blood cell count will likely drop even more before the week is through. Parrish is a kind of tired that I haven't seen before. He is required to get out of bed and take a shower each day, and other than that, he doesn't get out of bed. And we all know Parrish is typically chatting and cracking jokes, but right now, he doesn't even attempt to carry on a conversation. Sometimes he wants the TV on, but mostly, he just has his eyes closed, whether he is sleeping or not. Good thing I am comfortable with silence!

Because the high dose chemo kills everything in your body--the good and the bad--it kills all the good bacteria in places like your intestines and your mouth. This wrecks havoc on a body. As a result, Parrish's mouth is breaking down. This means that his mouth and throat feel totally raw, and he is getting sores in those areas. So, even if he had an appetite (which he doesn't), eating is so painful and swallowing miserable. Just a bite takes a ridiculous amount of will power to get down. The doctors have all patients do a very intense and specialized mouth care routine to help with these issues, but it doesn't eliminate them. Parrish has lost a lot of weight because he can't eat or drink, and the doctor has put him back on fluids (they take patients off of fluids after transplant and only put them back on if the need arises). Yesterday, he began to get dehydrated and was having some low blood pressure issues, so fluids were definitely needed. In addition, the doctor has Parrish on replacement magnesium and potassium. The high dose chemo messes with a patient's electrolytes, so oftentimes, a patient needs replacements of certain nutrients, thus the magnesium and potassium.

So far, Parrish's platelets and hemoglobin have stayed above the threshold for a blood transfusion.They have dropped a good bit, but not so much as to need additional blood. That is good news.

Everything Parrish is experiencing is normal for BMT patients, and nothing that the doctors and nurses are overly concerned about. But, even though it is all normal, it doesn't make it easy. Parrish is weak and hurting, and there is nothing any of us can do. It isn't something he can snap out of or be pushed to just get over. It is what happens when drugs completely destroy a person's immune system, but it doesn't make it any less awful. You can read and research and attempt to learn and memorize every last detail of what can and will happen, but until you are in the middle of it, you can't comprehend what it will be like or feel like. And of course, every patient thinks it won't happen to them...that they will be the teeny tiny percentage point that has no side effects. So, the side effects weaken a person's mental, as well as physical, stamina. 

We are two days into what is supposed to be the hardest week. I am hanging on and focusing on getting everyone through this week. Parrish, on the other hand, is hanging on right now, getting through this hour, this moment, this next set of vitals, hoping for a brief period of feeling better. I'm not sure he can see past today. But, that's where we come in. Parrish's fan club can encourage him not only to get through today but to plan and dream for better days ahead. I know that so many of you out there are quite literally cheering for Parrish every step of the way. If you have a moment in the next few days and feel so compelled, send Parrish a quick email or text (he is not up for talking on the phone) or leave a blog comment that I can show him. Our prayers, our thoughts, and our well wishes just might help give him the mental fortitude to push through this terrible week. 

As always, so much thanks and love to all of you-

Molly