Parrish's Place: January 2014

A year ago today, Parrish was diagnosed with a recurrence of Hodgkin's lymphoma, eighteen years after his initial diagnosis. A year ago today, I got a call from Parrish that I needed to come meet him at his internist's office...and then he clarified that I should go to the ER and gave me his room number. My mind was running in a million different directions, but whatever it was, I knew it couldn't be good. And, of course, it wasn't.

In my gut, I knew something had been wrong for a while. In fact, I had told Parrish the night before that I was worried about him. My exact words were "I am not sure what is going on, but you just don't seem yourself. I don't know if you are depressed, if you have cancer, or if you have a second family somewhere and just can't figure out how to tell me." I will admit that when I was sitting in the waiting room during his chest surgery, I really, really wished it had been a second family. Sick, right?

This past year has been awful, and much to some folks' dismay, I haven't sugar-coated things on the blog. Surgery, a chest tube, chemo treatments, septic shock, a bone marrow transplant. And, really, those are just the big things. The last year has brought us to our knees, tested us, broken us, strengthened us, made us realize what really matters and what we want to really matter. And, slowly but surely, we are putting our lives back together, lives that look different than they did a year ago and in some ways, are fuller and richer than they were pre-cancer.

On Monday of this week, I was in an extremely reflective state of mind. It has been a rough couple of months for a variety of reasons, and because of that, I was thinking back to this time last year with such raw emotion (and if I am honest, a little self pity). Then, on Tuesday, our city was hit with a very unexpected snow storm (just how unexpected depends on who you ask), and any sort of self-reflection was tossed to the side. To say the snow storm crippled our city is an understatement. Children were stranded at schools and daycares because parents could not reach them. Drivers were stuck on interstates and city roads for hours and hours, most finally abandoning their cars in the utter gridlock and walking to the nearest shelter. Emergency vehicles could not get to those in need because of the standstill traffic. It was a complete nightmare. I was in the middle of it and frantic because I could not get to Ivey's school that had closed. Campbell was safe at home with our nanny, but Ivey was stuck at school. In theory, I knew Ivey was safe, and the school would take wonderful care of him. But, the helplessness I felt was almost unbearable. After two long hours, I finally got to Ivey (this trip usually takes 7 minutes), and we began a very long, three hour adventure home (a distance of 3 miles). Of course, we were the lucky ones because we actually got home, and it didn't involve a long walk in the ice and snow (although it almost came to that).

What has amazed me most the last few days is the same thing that amazed me at every turn last year. And, that is kindness. Around the city on Tuesday, people opened their doors, taking in those stranded on the side of the road and unable to get home. And, it wasn't just churches or civic centers. Regular people reached out to those in need. A family friend took in complete strangers left stranded on a major thoroughfare in front of her condo, and as of today, she still has some of them there. Others saw immediate needs and found a way to fix them. Outside a Home Depot store, employees passed out bottles of water and snacks to those stuck on the roads. Another friend took his four-wheeler and picked up stranded pregnant women and others in medical need to get them to the nearest hospital. During my five hour trek, I can't even count how many people reached out--in complete kindness--to help us navigate the insanity. A few folks were directing cars up a hill covered in ice and stopped oncoming cars so that we didn't have to stop on the hill and risk getting stuck. Another man was walking stopped car to stopped car, offering people a warm house, food and water if the traffic never moved. He asked me if Ivey needed something to drink, a blanket or a pitstop, reminiscing about when his children were that age. One guy and I made friends on the road, after realizing we were headed in the same direction, and we made a plan for the best route home. At one point, once we realized we had hit an impasse, he got out of his truck in the ice and snow just to make sure we were okay. He offered to walk with us the rest of the way if it came to that. (Clearly he didn't think I would get very far in three inch heels carrying a four year old!)

I saw the same sort of kindness this time last year--and for the many months that followed. I am still stunned by the people who reached out and in so many ways. Family and friends, to be sure, but also those not so close to the situation, and sometimes, complete strangers who wanted absolutely nothing in return. I feel privileged to have witnessed this sort kindness--to have been a recipient of it--for the past year and for the past few days. It makes me pause, though, and wonder why it takes crisis for us to show such kindness. Just think if we practiced this sort of kindness all the time, and not just under the worst of times. What if we cut each other some slack, gave each other the benefit of the doubt, and just reached across the table or the yard or the office or the playground or the Internet with nothing but kindness, expecting nothing in return.

I had a conversation with Ivey's teacher at school a couple months ago. I was just checking in on Ivey, and I told her that I really don't care if Ivey is the smartest, the coolest, the fastest, the most athletic or the most popular. What I really want is for Ivey to be the kindest. I'm sure she thought I was nuts, but I really mean it. I have seen the power of kindness the past twelve months, and I can only hope that my children learn to wield that sort of power each and every day--making people feel cared for, listened to and loved.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you out there who showed us so much kindness this past year. We felt your love, your words, your prayers, your sustenance, and your encouragement each and every day. We could not have made it through this year without you. And so, in remembrance of all of your kindness, I am trying each and every day to pay it forward to those around me.

Much love,

Molly

**And, for those of you who only come here for the pictures (these go back to December)...

Our annual Christmas movie night!

Santa and his Snowman...

True to form, my parents, thinking we all needed to end the year on a high note, whisked us all on a beach get-away for Christmas...it was just what the doctor ordered. We had a very merry Christmas! Thank you, Emme and Guh!!