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| Our Superman. Yes, doctor--that's a beer in his hand. |
Parrish hit the 100 days post-transplant mark this week. Honestly, it came and went without a lot of fanfare. We went to church, played at the park, made s'mores at a neighborhood party and wrestled two tired little boys into bed...it was just a normal day. And, really, "normal" was the perfect way to celebrate getting to this milestone.
Although Parrish has not technically been discharged back to his oncologist yet, that doctor seems to have taken the lead. In a matter of 24 hours, the oncologist had a PET scan scheduled, had responded to multiple emails and was in charge.* Ahhhh...I think I just unclenched my jaw.
It has been a long 100 days. Well, let's get real, it's been a loooonnngggg 9 months. We have struggled more, hurt more, pushed more and grown more than I ever thought possible. I wouldn't wish this kind of year on my worst enemy. At the same time, we have been loved more, cared for more, and prayed over more than I ever could have imagined. For a lot of this year, I have had to keep my head down, barreling through it the best way I could, trying desperately not to let the pieces of our lives crumble around us. As caregiver and chief cheerleader for Parrish and mother and chief protector of Ivey and Campbell, I know I made a lot of mistakes along the way. I didn't do exactly what I should have; I didn't care for those outside the four walls of our house in the ways they needed; I let others' milestones pass by without acknowledgement; I dropped balls at work and in the world and perhaps never even realized. Trust me, I recognize my many failures along the way much more than anyone else.
Throughout these last 9 months, though, friends, family and complete strangers picked up those dropped balls (and didn't find the need to remind me of just what I failed to do); friends and family made our milestones huge priorities (without pointing out that I had missed theirs). Friends, family and complete strangers have shown up--each and every day--these last 9 months in unimaginable ways. I can't tell you the number of phone calls, emails, texts, prayers, cards, food (immense amounts of food), visits, and acts of extreme kindness my family has been privileged enough to receive. I have so many stories to share, so much thanks to give. I won't ever be able to write enough thank you notes (yes, I am giving this one up). Instead of staying up all night for the next 12 years trying to write notes to express just how thankful I am, I have decided to take what all of you have shown me this year and pay it forward. I am just going to show up.
I'll be honest, I don't think I have shown up enough in the past for those in need. All blog evidence to the contrary, I am actually a very introverted, private person. I am totally comfortable praying for those who need it in the comfort of my own home (or car or shower). I think about and feel for friends, family and complete strangers all the time. I just don't think I have let them know that enough. I have worried that someone might think it was weird if I wrote a note that I was thinking about them during a rough time...they might be uncomfortable if I showed up to wait with them during a family member's surgery...they would wonder why on earth I was dropping off food when we weren't really that close. Despite feeling like I was walking along with folks through a lot of their journeys, I haven't wanted to intrude. I have learned, though, that showing up isn't intrusive. In the middle of pain and suffering, those in need cannot articulate what their needs even are. Showing up, with the smallest of gestures or simplest of words, is sometimes the only thing that gets someone in need through a day, an hour, a moment. So, going forward, I am going to show up with words and prayers and acts...and a whole lot of food.
I am also going to show up here more. Although I have been absent from this space lately, I want to continue writing. These months have forced me back into a writing rhythm that I haven't had in a while, and it feels good. I might be showing up in a different virtual spot (one less medically driven I hope!), so stay tuned for that.
Happy November to everyone...and happy 100 days to Parrish. Here's to many more normal days ahead!
Love,
Molly
*Weekend Update: Parrish's oncologist called over the weekend with the scan report. Drum roll please! Parrish's PET scan came back completely clear...even the spot in his lung is gone. The oncologist said "I told you so...just some sort of inflammation." He loved getting to say "I told you so," and we loved the amazing report. Thank goodness we did not subject Parrish to an unnecessary surgical procedure (our gut instinct was right!). Such an answer to prayers!
