In life before cancer, there were many days when it felt like I was treading water, just trying to keep my head up and make it through the week. Our new life (especially the last few weeks) has taken that feeling to a whole new level. No matter how hard I try, some days, I feel like I can't keep all of us afloat. I used to teach swimming lessons to children, and I remember teaching them that treading water is about slow, steady moves. The faster and more frantically that you move your arms and legs, the more likely you are to tire out, get water in your face and go under. It isn't how fast and furious you move. Keeping calm is the key to staying afloat.
I think that same strategy plays out in life. In general, getting panicky or frantic does little to help any situation. The last few weeks, though, I have fast and furiously tried to keep our little family afloat--looking high and low for a rental house, cleaning out the attic and organizing for packing, trying to keep up with work, attending a myriad of end of school activities, being Parrish's medical advocate, playing nurse and more. I definitely hit frantic mode. Someone at work even commented that I "seemed a little off." Major understatement. Thankfully, I've managed to dial it back in the last week or so, helped in large part to the boys going with my parents to Memphis for a few days last week. The boys had a blast, and I could focus on getting some things checked off the ever-growing to-do list (and spend some quality time with Parrish). It was much needed, especially in light of the turn this week has taken.
The best news of this week is that we found a house to rent. It is a wonderful house in a precious neighborhood, walkable to restaurants and parks, convenient to work and the hospital. It feels like a happy house to come home to. Since we are going to be spending a lot of time at home over the next year while Parrish recovers, that is important. It is a huge weight off of my shoulders. Honestly, the house hunt has been especially trying. Almost too stressful to even blog about. I wish I could say that I remained vigilantly faithful that something would turn up. That isn't exactly true. I was scared...scared that we made the wrong decision in selling our house, scared that I wouldn't be able to provide a happy home for the boys, scared that I wouldn't be able to pack us, move us and take care of Parrish in the hospital. I was just scared. As is usually the case, just when I had really reached the lowest point, a house turned up (well, I found it on Craig's List, it didn't just drop from the sky). I do think it was divine intervention, though. God realized I had hit my limit. He also knew that we needed some good news this week.
Yesterday, I took the boys to the ENT. The boys, but especially Campbell, have battled what seems like one cold, sinus infection or ear infection after another. I quit counting how many antibiotics Campbell has been on in the last six months. So, the pediatrician decided that we needed to see a specialist. Turns out, Campbell's tubes in his ears aren't working and need to be replaced, and his adenoids are very enlarged and need to come out. The doctor wants to do the surgery as soon as possible. He suggested today. Of course, I explained that today really wouldn't work because I was supposed to be with my husband at UAB for his stem cell collection for his bone marrow transplant. As the doctor and nurse tried to pick their jaws up off of the floor, they began suggesting alternate dates. First week of June? Well, we are likely moving. Second week of June? Um, sure. As long as I can cancel it if that is the day I move my husband onto the transplant floor for his month long extended-stay vacation. So, we scheduled Campbell's surgery for June 12th; they assured my I could cancel if the need arises. Oh, and I should also mention that Ivey needs his tubes surgically removed (they have been in for 3 years). They said we should wait until September though, since he can't swim for three weeks after removal. The doctor asked if I wanted to go ahead and pick a date in September. I told him that I could barely see past tomorrow, so we should probably hold off on September dates. He didn't disagree.
You just have to laugh, right? I mean, I couldn't make it up. The week gets better though...
This morning, at 5:45, I had just gotten back in bed (I had been in Campbell's room since 3:30 am...this is not an unusual occurrence...we don't sleep through the night much in my house). I was lying there thinking that I should just get up and start the day when Ivey walked in saying he was ready to get up. I tousled his hair which was sort of sticky. I asked him why he was sweaty, but then it dawned on me...and then I smelled it. Yep. You know where this is headed. There was throw up...and it was all.over.him. Hair, pajamas, face (not to mention his bed). Turns out, according to him, he had thrown up three times in his bed but never called out for me. Not sure how I didn't hear it happening on the monitor. But, it was clear he had been sleeping that way for a while. Now, I can handle a lot of things. Chest tube? No problem. Shots at home? Easy. Blood, guts, broken bones? I've got it. But throw up...not so much. It is my weakness. So, needless to say, the morning didn't start well. I'm hoping it was just an episode and not the stomach bug (although it is going around). Ivey seemed fine as the morning went on, and no one else has come down with it. Yet.
As for Parrish, he has made it through several more appointments and tests and then had chemo last week. There have been some bumps along the way on the administrative end, but we (meaning, me) have navigated those issues. (I have chosen carefully when to put on my manners...and when to take them off.) Parrish has had a rough couple of days. The Neupogen is really wrecking havoc on his bones and joints and causing him a lot of pain, especially in his back. This morning was tough just getting out of bed. And, his blood work wasn't where it needed to be yesterday, so he isn't having the stem cell collection today. That seems to have really defeated him. He prides himself on being an overachiever in the cancer department...constantly surprising everyone with his response to chemo or his ability to push through whatever is thrown his way. Clearly, he has no control over how many stem cells he produces, and he understands that. But, he was just mentally ready to get the show on the road as far as the transplant goes, and he feels like he has had set back after set back with it. I get it. It is frustrating, to say the least. And, I hate to see him discouraged. The plan is that he'll have more Neupogen today (and more blood work). If the blood work shows enough stem cells, then he'll do collection tomorrow and Saturday. If not, he'll repeat the Neupogen tomorrow and hopefully do collection on Saturday and Sunday. So, while a lot of you will be at the lake or the beach celebrating Memorial Day, we'll be at UAB kicking off the start of summer. Fun times.
As you can see, it has been one of those weeks in the Taylor house. For me, I am trying to move more calmly through the chaos and setbacks, and at the same time, not lose sight of those utterly insane moments where laughter is just about the only appropriate response. This week, please say some prayers for stem cell growth. Once the stem cells are collected, Parrish can quit the Neupogen shots and thus, quit having so much pain. And, please pray for continued peace of mind and strength of spirit as we tread the waters of moving, Campbell's surgery and Parrish's transplant plans.
Much love,
Molly
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